THE YEAR’S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2007:
- Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter
[Imagine that!] - Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?] - Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!] - Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!] - Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!] - Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!] - Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!] - War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!] - If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?] - Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!] - Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!] - Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?] - Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!] - New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!] - Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!] - Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[do they taste like chicken?] - Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] - Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!] - Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[and you expected what, zombies?]
Related posts
Comments
Comment from The Dynamic Driveler
Time: 2/11/2008, 12:35 pm
Madame L - I didn’t know you were lurking around here 
Comment from madame l.
Time: 2/11/2008, 9:54 pm
we are anonymouse.
Comment from Stu
Time: 2/12/2008, 6:45 pm
Do they (children) taste of chicken?
No, they taste of Afghanistan Lamb.
(Nod to Roald Dahl)
Comment from madame l.
Time: 2/11/2008, 12:01 pm
slightly off topic, but found these amusing (if you haven’t seen them already) classified print ads c.1997:
* Lost: small apricot poodle. reward. Neutered. Like one of the
family.
* A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine foods expertly served by
waitresses in apetizing forms.
* Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
* For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large
drawers.
* For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie
chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
* Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
* Now is the perfect time to get your ears pierced and get an extra pair
to take home, too!
* Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory
* Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
* We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by
hand.
* No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make
it really repellent
* For Sale. Three canaries of undetermined sex.
* For Sale - Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Huskey.
* Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul,
fresh vegetables, salads, quiche.
* 7 ounces of choice sirloin, steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered
with golden fried onion rings.
* Great Dames for sale.
* Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
* Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
* 20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawney Port, sold to pay for charges,
the opwner having been lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
* Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
* Vacation Special: Have your house exterminated.
* If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis
Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fountain
and Chopin.
* Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge.
Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
* The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds and
other athletic facilities.
* Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
* Toaster: A fift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.
* Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so servicable that lots
of women wear nothing else.
* Save regularly in our bank. You’ll never reget it.
* We build bodies that last a lifetime.
* Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.
* This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes
& Gardens.
* For Sale - Diamonds $20,00; microsopes $15.00.
* For Rent: 6 room hated apartment.
* Man, honest. Will take anything.
* Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200.00 a month.
References required.
* Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
* Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
* Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
* Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
* Modular Sofas. Only $299.00. For rest or fore play.
* Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
* Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
* 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
* Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and
snacks included.
* Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
* Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll
never go anywhere again.
* See ladies blouses. 50% off!
* Holcross pulletts. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204
* Wanted. Preparer of food. Must be dependable like the food business,
and be willing to get hands dirty.
* Illiterate? Write today for free help.
* Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion.
Blue Cross and salary.
* Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume
general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to
growth of family.
* Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for
efficient beating
* Mother’s helper - peasant working conditions.
* Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale.
* And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
unrivaled inconvenience.
* We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home
for $1.00