Doug’s Dynamic Drivel

I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in a US school district

Spellings have been left intact.

• My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
• Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
• Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
• Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
• Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
• John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
• Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
• Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
• Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
• Please excuse ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
• Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahredyrea direathe the shits.
• Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
• Richard was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
• Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
• I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don’t know what size she wear.
• Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday. We thought it was Sunday.
• Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
• My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.
• Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
• Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
• Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
• Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
• Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

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