You know how it goes. You're in some social situation and someone hands you the perfect straight line and you freeze. Maybe it's a case of not enough coffee or other drug of your choice, but the neurons just aren't zinging at that moment. We all have those moments without the benefit of Alzheimers to blame it on either. So to help prepare you for the inevitable here are a few of my favourite snappy comebacks collected over the years:

• A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
• A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf stacker, "Do these chickens get any bigger?"
  
  He replied, "No, they're dead."
• The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the Policeman said.
  
  The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
  
  When the policeman stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a ticket.