Doug’s Divine Drollery

The Baby was born, and Mary and Joseph were gazing at him, thinking of a name. The three wise men arrived at the barn where they were. One was tall, one was small, and one kind of medium. The small wise man walked into the manger, and placed his gift by the [...]

25 Signs You Have Grown Up:

Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
You watch the [...]

Indicators That Your Employer Has Changed to a Cheaper Healthcare Plan:

Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
Directions to your Doctor’s office include “Take a left when you enter the trailer park”.
The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
The only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” [...]

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in New York to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, “Hey Luigi, how wasa da treepa?”
Luigi said, “Everytinga wasa perfecto except for da traina ride down.”
“Whata you mean, Luigi?” Asked Giovanni.
“Well, we boarda da train at Grana [...]

A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
The curator of the [...]

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila.
Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila can help ease you out of [...]

A 75 year old woman went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor told her she needed more activity and recommended sex three times a week.
She said to the doctor, “Please, tell my husband.”
The doctor walked into the waiting room and told her husband that his wife needed to have sex three times a [...]

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport.
“These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained.
“These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others.
“The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too,” said the third senior.
After hearing enough from [...]

Lulu was a hooker, but she didn’t want her grandma to know. One day the police raided a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the hookers line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu’s grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.
Grandma asked, “Why [...]

Oh Dear!
Have you ever noticed that when you’re of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long ourstreet had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, [...]

t was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old woman. After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth.
The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying, “This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?”
He answered, “You’ve got to keep that old motor [...]

While on a car trip, an old couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The old woman unfortunately left her glasses on the table, but didn’t miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around.
The old [...]

Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loves to charge around the nursing home taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman is one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerate her and some of the men acually [...]

A 60-year-old man went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, “You’re in terrific shape. There’s nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. You have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?”
The 60 year old responded, “Did I say [...]

An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt [...]

An elderly women goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive he Husband’s sex drive.
What about trying Viagra? asks the doctor.
“Not a chance says Mrs Murphy. “He won’t even take an aspirin for a headache.”
“No problem,” replies the doctor. “Drop it into his coffee in the morning, he won’t even taste it. [...]

An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.
“Yes, Nurse Tracy,” said Mr. Goldstein, “My penis died today, and I am very sad.”
Knowing her patients were forgetful [...]

A woman is having her 90th birthday.
Huge celebration in the village. Everybody is there - the mayor, the police and a reporter from the local newspaper.
He wants to know how she achieved to have such a long life.
She tells him about her fulfilled life - and about the 3 beers and 2 cigars she has [...]

The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: “you used to hold my hand when we were courting.”
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: “then you used [...]

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and [...]

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for social security. After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. [...]

Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Safety Harbor Florida forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to all human kind. Read it and forward it to all those who could use a lift.
Dear [...]

A little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. “Look, there is a couple who has been through [...]

A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one [...]

A sign in the window of a bar advertised for a Piano Player and one day a scroungy looking old guy entered the bar asking about the job. The bartender was put off by the man’s looks, but pointed him to the piano in the corner. As the old man began to play, the room [...]