Doug’s Divine Drollery

A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn’t donate even a cent to a charity.
“First of all”, says the lawyer, “my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it’s not covered by healthcare. [...]

A man walks into a bar. He sees a good-looking, smartly dressed woman sitting on the bar stool. He walks up behind her and says, “Hi there, how’s it going?”
Having already had a few drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, “Listen! I’ll screw anybody, any time, [...]

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
“I want to see Natalie,” the man replied.
“Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,” said the madam.
“No. I must see Natalie,” [...]

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up onhis tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The lawyer responded, “I shot [...]

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter asked him, “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?”
The lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.”
Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a [...]

These are things people actually said in court, word for word,taken down and now published by
court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually
taking place:
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: [...]