1. Arachnoleptic fit (n.)The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
2. Beelzebug (n.):Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
4. Cashtration (n.):The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
5. Dopelar effect (n.):The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.
6. Extraterrestaurant (n.):An eating place where you feel you’ve been abducted and experimented upon. Also known as an E-T-ry.
7. Foreploy (n.):Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex.
8. Intaxication (n.):Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
9. Kinstirpation (n.):A painful inability to move relatives who come to visit.

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