| 1945 |
1999 |
| NCO’s had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports |
everyone has an Internet access computer, and they wonder why no work is getting done |
| we painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home |
they put the real thing in the cockpit |
| your girlfriend was at home praying you would return alive |
she is in the same trench praying your condom worked |
| if you got drunk off duty your buddies would take you back to the barracks to sleep it off |
if you get drunk they slap you in rehab and ruin your career |
| you were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him |
you spray 500 bullets into the brush, don’t hit anything, and retreat because you’re out of ammo |
| canteens were made of steel, and you could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them |
canteens are made of plastic, you can’t heat anything in them, and they always taste like plastic |
| officers were professional soldiers first and they commanded respect |
officers are politicians first and beg not to be given a wedgie |
| they collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it |
they collect your pee and analyze it |
| if you didn’t act right, the Sergeant Major put you in the brig until you straightened up |
if you don’t act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever |
| medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own |
medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters |
| you slept in barracks like a soldier |
you sleep in a dormitory like a college kid |
| you ate in a mess hall, which was free, and you could have all the food you wanted |
you eat in a dining facility, every slice of bread or pad of butter costs, and you better not take too much |
| we defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan |
we come up short against Iraq and Yugoslavia |
| if you wanted to relax, you went to the rec center, played pool, smoked, and drank beer |
you go to the community center, and you can play pool |
| if you wanted beer and conversation you went to the NCO or Officers’ Club |
the beer will cost you $2.75, membership is forced, and someone is watching how much you drink |
| the Exchange had bargains for soldiers who didn’t make much money |
you can get better and cheaper merchandise at Wal-Mart |
| we could recognize the enemy by their Nazi helmets |
we are wearing the Nazi helmets |
| we called the enemy names like “Krauts” and “Japs” because we didn’t like them |
we call the enemy the “opposing force” or “aggressor” because we don’t want to offend them |
| victory was declared when the enemy was defeated and all his things were broken |
victory is declared when the enemy says he is sorry |
| a commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people |
a commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt |
| wars were planned and run by generals with lots of important victories |
wars are planned by politicians with lots of equivocating. |
| we were fighting for freedom, and the country was committed to winning. |
we don’t know what we’re fighting for, and the government is committed to social programs (used to be called ’socialism’) |
| all you could think about was getting out and becoming a civilian again |
all you can think about is getting out and becoming a civilian again |
