1. Get boxes of condoms, randomly put them in people’s carts when they’re not looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restroom.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone “I think we have a Code 3 in housewares,” and see what happens.
5. Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.
6. Challenge other customers to a duel with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Put M & M’s on layaway.
8. Move “CAUTION-WET FLOOR” signs to carpet areas.
9. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell others you’ll only invite them if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
10. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask “Why won’t you people leave me alone?”
11. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
12. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I.Joes and X-Men.
13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
14. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
15. Switch signs on the men and women’s bathrooms.
16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission Impossible”.
17. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign out front.
18. In the auto department practice your “Madonna” look using different size funnels.
19. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say “PICK ME!! PICK ME!!!!!”
20. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”
21. Go to the food court, get a soft drink, tell them you don’t get out much and would they put one of those little umbrellas in it.
22. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud…”Hey, we’re out of toilet paper in here!!

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