Doug’s Divine Drollery

There was a midget down in Texas whose testicles hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants.
The doctor stood him up onto the examining table [...]

A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies:

“Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.”
“Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
“Can you hear me NOW?”
“Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!”
“Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
“You know, in Arkansas, we’re now [...]

A guy goes into a public washroom and has to use the only available urinal, between two elderly men. He glances to his left and sees the guy pissing, but there are two streams.
“What the hell is that?” he asks.
“War wound. I took a bullet in the penis in North Africa.They were able to save [...]

A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that [...]

There’s nothing worse than a snotty doctor’s receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong in a room full of other patients. I know you all have experienced this, and here’s the way one guy handled it.
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor’s office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist [...]

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading : “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones — Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy [...]

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded.”
The third surgeon says, “No, I really think [...]

In “Pissing in the Snow: Ozark Mountain Folktales“, Vance Randolph tells of a wizened old country doctor who could treat anything. Well it seems one time, one of the mountain folk came into his office with three complaints. “Doc,” he said, “I can’t taste nothin’, I can’t tell the truth, and I can’t remember nothin’ [...]

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
“I should be in charge, “said the brain, “because I run all the body’ssystems, so without me nothing would happen”.
I should be in charge” said the blood, “because I circulate oxygen all over, so without me [...]

There’s a woman in a hospital in a coma. Her nurse notices after a few days that every time she sponge bathes the woman around the crotch, her vital signs, according to the nearby monitor, increase significantly. The nurse gets the bright idea that oral sex might just provide the stimulus to bring the woman [...]

A young female came to the ER with lower abdominal pain. During the exam and questioning the
female denied being sexually active. The doctor gave her a pregnancy test anyway and it came
back positive. The doctor went back to the young female’s room.
Doctor: “The results of your pregnancy test came back positive. Are you sure [...]

Three doctors and three nurses are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three doctors each buy tickets and watch as the three nurses buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks a doctor.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answered a nurse. They all board [...]

A man picks up a girl in a party. They proceed to her place and things are starting to heat up. He takes his shirt off and washes his hands. He takes his trousers off and washes his hands again.
The girl says “I bet you’re a dentist.”
Surprised, he says, “That’s correct, how did you [...]

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines so thought he’d become a mechanic.
So he went along to mechanic’s school and the final test was to strip an engine completely and reassemble it - obviously back into perfect working order. [...]

Two cowboys from Texas walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking their beers and quietly talking about cattle prices. Suddenly a woman at a table behind them, who had been eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so it becomes apparent [...]