Doug’s Divine Drollery

We have absolutely no idea where our purse is.
We believe that dancing with our arms overhead and wiggling our butt while yelling “woo-hoo!” is truly the sexiest dance move around.
We’ve suddenly decided that we want to kick someone’s ass and honestly believe we could do it too.
On our last trip to pee, we realize that [...]

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read:
PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not [...]

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a big drop-off and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. [...]

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,”Yum! I smell maple syrup!”
The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says “Yum! I smell [...]

A Japanese physician says, “Medicine in my country is so advanced we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks.”
A German physician says, “That is nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him [...]

The boy then went to his sister and asked, “Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?”
The girl replied, “Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts? ”
He then asked his mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars “Well [...]

Two Scots, Archie and Jock, are sitting in the pub discussing Jock’s forthcoming wedding.
“Arch, it’s all going grand,” says Jock. “I’ve got everything organised already: the flowers, the church, the cars, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night…
Archie nods approvingly.
“I’ve even bought a kilt to be married in!” continues Jock.
“A [...]

Coors put its slogan, “Turn it loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer from diarrhea.”
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.”
Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick,” a curling iron, into German only to find out that “mist” is slang for manure. Not [...]

We all know that it is a sin for an Islamic male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide if he does.
So next Sunday at 4:00 PM Eastern time, all Australian women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any [...]

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, “Quick, get me a beer before it starts.”
She looked a little puzzled but brought him the beer. When he finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s gonna start soon.”
This time she [...]

The United States Postal Service has created a stamp with a picture of President George W. Bush to honour his first term achievements.
Unfortunately, the stamp has not been sticking to the envelopes. This has enraged the President, who has demanded a full investigation into the matter. After a month of testing, a special Presidential [...]

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense.”
The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”
“Don’t make such a [...]