Doug’s Divine Drollery

Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. She sent it to Laughline and won the contest(he wasn’t thrilled with her for that one). Anyway, anytime you think you have had a bad day [...]

There’s a guy who lives in Ohio. One morning, he hears a voice in his head.
The voice says, “Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas.”
He ignores the voice.
Later in the day, he hears the voice again. “Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and [...]

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking companies fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’ ? ” said the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what [...]

The Ferrari….
A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand new Ferrari 550. It is also one of the most expensive cars in the world, and it costs him $500,000.
He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a Moped (about 75 [...]

The following was taken from a Florida newspaper:
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio [...]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he [...]

The Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
“Good God, Woman! Why aren’t you wearing any knickers?” her husband demanded. “Well” she replied, “you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to [...]

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.”
“After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please [...]

So this guy was having dinner with his wife, and being a bit of a wise ass he says to her “I bet you can’t say something that will make me happy and angry at the same time” She takes her time, think about this and then responds “Yours is bigger than your brothers”

via Dusting My Brain
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
The revelation that his marriage of 20 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers [...]