Doug’s Divine Drollery

A Professor was giving a lecture on “Involuntary Muscular Contractions” to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, “Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having [...]

A fireman was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fireman’s helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The [...]

Three priests were in a railroad station on their way home to
Pittsburgh . Behind the ticket counter was a very sexy, shapely,
well-endowed woman wearing a very tight, skimpy sweater. She made the three priests very nervous, so they drew straws to determine who would get the tickets.
The first priest approached the window. “Young lady, I [...]

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his Order. He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.”
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the Kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered [...]

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely: Picnic tables, horseshoe courts, a volleyball court, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming.
One evening the old farmer decided to go [...]

I met an older woman at a club last night.
She was OK for 57, we drank a bit, had a bit of a song & she asked if I’d ever had the sportsman’s double, a mother and daughter threesome?
I said no.
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.
I went [...]

A priest was preparing a man for his long journey into the night.
Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil.”
The dying man said nothing.
The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.
The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and [...]

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour
I work at great depths
I work head first
I do not get RDO’s, weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don’t get paid overtime or shift penalties
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in [...]

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a “handywoman” and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
“Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my [...]

Technorati Tags: oral sex, sex, jokes, humour, humor, funny, not PC

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well. As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up Nuts”, and the patients complied by standing [...]

I’m sure many of you have heard the term, “independent front end suspension,” but don’t know exactly what it means.
When one front wheel of a vehicle hits a bump or pothole, it will move up or down to compensate while the other wheel remains steady. Both wheels are independent of each other, hence that expression.
Watch [...]

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before.
Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on [...]

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Technorati Tags: humour, humor, jokes, funny, not PC, comedy, BBC

An Englishman went next door to welcome his new Indian neighbour. He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. “Must be an Indian custom,” he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.
The next day, [...]

It was my first time ever
And I’ll never forget
I’d do it again
Without a single regret.
The sky was dark
The moon was high
We were all alone
Just she and I.
Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do.
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine.
I didn’t know how
But I tried [...]

STORY OF ELIJAH
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut a steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four [...]