Doug’s Divine Drollery

Here were three old black ladies getting ready to take a plane trip for the first time.
The first old lady said, “I don’t know ’bout ya’ll, but I’m gunna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I gets on dat plane.”
“Why you gonna wear dem?” the other two wanted to know.
The first one replied, “Cause, [...]

A Hillbilly farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to a lawyer.
The lawyer said, “How can I help you?”
The farmer said, “I want to get one of those dayvorces.”
The lawyer said. “Do you have any grounds?”
The farmer said, “Yes, I got 40 acres.”
The lawyer said,”No, you don’t understand. Do you have a [...]

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, “What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?”
The [...]

Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. For bathroom facilities, they had to use an outhouse. The little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time.
The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that [...]

We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below…
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the [...]

When choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
To treat high blood pressure: simply cut [...]

Two men are out fishing at their favourite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Jim says, “I think I’m going to divorce my wife - she hasn’t spoken to me in over 2 months.
Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, “You [...]

So you think you’re having a bad day?

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in [...]

So you thought police officers didn’t have a sense of humor…
The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country:

“Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”
“Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
“If you run, you’ll [...]

This is an actual letter sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph…
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your “Always” maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) [...]