Doug’s Divine Drollery

You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: ‘CAL-GREE’ and ED-MIN-TIN’.
The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 8:00 pm. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On Deerfoot & Whitemud, you are [...]

Bring your own house.
If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and hospital.
If going to Edmonton, wear your flak jacket. This is the murder capital of Canada.
If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft centre of Canada.
If you are bringing drugs, head to Fort McMurray, the drug capital of Canada.
If [...]

Two Newfies are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.
The first hunter says ‘Wow, that’s some hole, I can’t even see the bottom, I wonder how deep it is?’
The second hunter says ‘I don’t [...]

How many women going through MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?
Woman’s Answer:
One!
ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don’t even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before [...]

Top Fifty Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Sticker Aphorisms

Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers
Honk If Your Religious Beliefs Make You An Asshole
Intelligent Design Makes My Monkey Cry
Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.
There’s A REASON Why [...]

The old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned for his nurse to come near.
‘Yes, Father?’ said the nurse.
‘I would really like to see Ex prime-ministers Jean Chretien and Brian Mulroney before I die,’ whispered the priest.
‘I’ll see [...]

An Alberta woodpecker and a Saskatchewan woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees.
The Alberta woodpecker said Alberta had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.
The Saskatchewan woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.
The Alberta woodpecker was amazed.
The Saskatchewan woodpecker then challenged [...]

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t - the aged bovine was struck and killed.
Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had [...]