Universal Laws of Flaws
14 February, 2010 (20:02) | Miscellaneous, Misfortune, one-liners
- Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.
- Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
- Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
- Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
- Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
- Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
- Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
- Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
- Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
- Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
- The Starbucks Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
- Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
- Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
- Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
- Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
- Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
- Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don ‘t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.
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