Doug's Divine Drollery

Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear? Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Queens Disoriented Are Dementia — I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angles Sing About Me Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and [...]

Have you ever wondered if the bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper’s butt crack? If not, you’re wondering now. Have a nice day .. So folks, always remember to wash your hands after handling money That’s today’s public service announcement. Thank you very much!

The Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, “Get over here! What’s your name?” “John,” the new seaman replied. “Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy ass crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp today, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled. “It breeds familiarity, [...]

CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco, rolled in paper, with fire at one end and a fool at the other! MARRIAGE: It’s an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master’s LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing [...]

If you are of a certain age you will remember the old show Hollywood Squares. Here are some classic lines from it. Paul Marshall was the host and the responses to the questions were completely unscripted. Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat? A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long [...]

OMG Snow in Vancouver! Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional ¼ centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen [...]

The other day, my friends and I went to a “Ladies Night Club.” One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be [...]

For years, doctors and scientists have told us that some foods are good for us, only to be told later that they are bad for us, and again they tell us that some foods are bad for us, and all the time they’ve been good for us. There doesn’t seem to be much proof either [...]

THE PERFECT BREAKFAST.as a man sees it… You’re sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of the box of Wheaties. Your mistress is on the cover of Playboy. And your wife is on the back of the milk carton. WHY MEN GET OUT OF BED.. A recent survey was conducted to [...]

Greetings Earthling ….. I am a silicon based life form from a galaxy far, far away, v isiting your P.C. I have transformed myself into this email. As you are reading it, I am having sex with your eyeballs. Oh god that feels good! I like it when you scroll down That’s it . … [...]

Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity [...]

here once was an PR Account Guy who lived his whole life without ever taking advantage of any of the people he dealt with. In fact, he made sure that every story he pitched was a win-win situation. One day while walking down the street he was tragically hit by a bus and he died. [...]

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going [...]

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name. ‘Fred,’ he replies. ‘Fred what?’ the officer asks. ‘Just Fred,’ the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a [...]

How many women going through MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb? Woman’s Answer: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don’t even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for [...]

Tools and Their Use DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then [...]

We make [tag]great commercials[/tag] here in [tag]Canada[/tag] NSFW [coolplayer width="480" height="380" autoplay="0" loop="0" charset="utf-8" download="1" mediatype=""] Nice Boots [/coolplayer] Oh ya and [tag]Terra[/tag] does make great [tag]boots[/tag]

Men are like…..Laxatives ….. They irritate the crap out of you. Men are like…..Bananas . The older they get, the less firm they are. Men are like…..Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. Men are like…..Blenders You need One, but you’re not quite sure why. Men are like…..Chocolate Bars ….. Sweet, smooth, & [...]

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in [...]

This is an actual letter sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph… Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your “Always” maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core(tm) [...]