Doug's Divine Drollery

A gas station owner in Texas was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, “Free Sex with Fill-Up.” Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly [...]

Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. [...]

Remember that – wherever you go there are people who drive like this. I suggest you turn your speakers off

Excerpted from an article which appeared in The Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2. Once inside the bank, shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately.The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of [...]

The Canadian Government has issued a travel warning due to the snow and cold weather. They suggest that anyone traveling in the current icy conditions should make sure they have the following: Shovel Blankets or sleeping bag Extra clothing including hat and gloves 24 hours worth of food De-Icer Rock Salt Flashlight with spare batteries [...]

Three Ways to Fail a Drunk Test

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The man consulted his [...]

Six Truths in Life You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time, a physical impossibility. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it. And discover #1 is a lie. You are smiling now because you are an idiot. You soon will forward a link this page to [...]

A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made the “tickle me Elmo dolls”. It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday and then explained she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed [...]

Even more frighteningly they drive and vote too!

Two guys wanted to go drinking, but they only had a dollar between them. One of the fellows looked over at a hot dog wagon nearby, and got an idea. He spent the dollar on a hot dog. He threw the bun away, and stuffed the hot dog down his underwear…. “We’re gonna walk into [...]

This guy is real Darwin Award material This picture is real – not doctored in any way – and was taken by a Transportation Supervisor for a company that delivers building materials for 84 Lumber. When he saw it in the parking lot of IHOP, he went to buy a camera to take pictures. The [...]

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! I’m serious!! If you are someplace you can’t laugh like a fool…wait to read this later! Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something [...]

Did you hear about the two duck hunters from Prince Albert? True story, heard on a Saskatoon radio station reporting on the incident. A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator from Merlin Motors in Saskatoon for $42,500.00 (with monthly payments of $560.00). He and a friend go duck hunting at Tobin Lake in mid-October; and [...]

The story behind this…Apparently, there is a nutball who digs things out of his back yard and sends his “discoveries” to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names and insisting they are actual archeological finds. The bizarre truth is this guy really exists and does this in his spare time! Anyway, what follows is [...]

The following questions and answers are reputed to have been collated from last year’s British GCSE exams. (16 year olds)- something I find hard to believe – Doug Question Answer Name the four seasons Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink Flirtation makes [...]

Those who forget history–and the English language–may be condemned to mangle both. Historian Anders Henriksson, a five year veteran of the university classroom, has faithfully recorded his freshman students’ more striking insights into European history. Possibly as an act of vengeance, Henriksson has assembled these fractured fragments into a chronological narrative from the Middle Ages [...]

A young hotshot gets a job with the IRS. His first assignment is to audit an old rabbi. He thinks he’ll have a little fun with the old rabbi, so he says, “Rabbi, what do you do with the drippings from the candles?” The rabbi says, “We send them to the candle factory, and every [...]

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at the football game, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, “I think I’m going to move to Utah, there are only 100 Catholics living there…” The second guy spoke up and [...]

A little list of what our good neighbour, Dubya has been up to. Surprisingly, they’ve left off some major achievements, like – He’s been responsible for flooding the market with more U.S. currency in a shorter period of time than any other president. And thus the U.S. dollar has been devalued over 20% since he [...]

While visiting England recently, Jean Chretien is invited to have Tea with the Queen. Given his recent political problems, he decides to take advantage of her years of leadership experience and asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She responds that it is to surround herself with the most intelligent people she can find and [...]

There are a lot of folks who can’t understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in Canada. Well, there’s a very simple answer…… Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn’t know we were getting low.The reason for that is purely geographical. All the oil is in Alberta. All the dipsticks [...]

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an Alcoholic, one was a Chain-Smoker, and one was a Homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, “If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die.” The men left the doctor’s [...]