If you're politically correct buzz off you won't like this site!
When asked to elaborate on the Company's Benefit policy, the VP Of Engineering sneered, "You work, you get paid -- THAT IS YOUR BENEFIT!!!!"
After buying 100 copies of Lotus for the company, we were instructed to return every copy and buy another spreadsheet program. My Boss said after he tried to use it, "It wasn't as easy as 1,2,3."
Recent quote from the Boss: "If you can't get the job done in 24 hours, work nights!"
My Boss ordered 'optical drives' because he thought he could 'see' the data on the disks.
My Boss was typing her resignation letter when her Apple crashed. The machine tried to reboot, but after encountering errors it displayed an unhappy face. My Boss, seeing this, decided not to resign because she realized her machine was sad and would miss her terribly.
After months of 'Needs Analysis' and comparison shopping our Boss overruled our computer suggestion because she thought the Apple logo was cute and symbolic of their recycling programs.
After receiving new PCs with CD-ROM drives, we asked our Boss if it was OK to listen to music while working. His response was, "I don't remember authorizing a special stereo option! Get me the purchase order, NOW!"
At my company, there is an on-line help guide for everything, from restocking the vending machines to "heating up" a LAN port. The first item in the phone menu reads, "If your encounter problems with your phone, call x-1234."
A coworker told me he is only empowered when his Boss doesn't know the answer. If that was the case in my department, I would be in a constant state of empowerment.
After an expensive study by high-priced consultants to improve our >work methods, my Boss summarized the study in his own words. He said "Repetition is bad, as long as it's consistent."
Tech Support was summoned to my Boss' office to remove a CD and a fork from her A drive. When asked how this happened she replied, "At first it wouldn't go in -- But once I got it in, I couldn't get it out."
Our Boss listened for 15 minutes as we discussed our inability to correct certain problems because of upper management's tight control. She leaned forward and with deep sincerity said, "Listen, we just have to empower ourselves to do what ever it is they want us to do."
My Boss summoned me to a meeting with him to discuss my future work. His only contribution to the discussion was to say, "I don't really know how your abilities can be used by my department".
The definition of 'Stress': That condition created when one's mind overrides the body's desire to pummel the Boss who desperately needs it!
My computer illiterate Boss asked me to send an e-mail to set up an interview with a candidate to take my job -- before he told me I was being replaced.
While giving interviewees a tour through our software lab, our Boss proudly stated, "This is the our Software Lab, in here we type our data on the keyboard, and it gets displayed on one of these monitors."
Our President posted a corporate-wide letter from a valued customer stating that they were canceling all business with us because they had learned through the "Industry Grapevine" that our company's employees were generally regarded as being "Slow, Arrogant, and Dumb."
We were all evacuated from our offices by a fire alarm. My Boss didn't join the main group, but sought out "someone in charge." Learning it was false alarm he told us we could return to our desks -- he did this by sending everyone an e-mail.
In a recent meeting our Boss said we should not vote in the upcoming elections. This action would demonstrate our displeasure with the political process.
My Boss refuses to get on the Internet. She says she's going to wait until there's one for managers only