If you're politically correct buzz off you won't like this site!
Q: How do you get a viola section to play spiccato?
A: Write a whole note with "solo" above it.
Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around a bunch of musicians?
A: A drummer.
Q: How do you get 5 oboes in tune?
A: Shoot 4 of them.
Q: What are burning oboes used for?
A: To set bassoons on fire.
Q: How do you make a guitarist play quieter?
A: Put a sheet of music in front of him.
Q: How do you make him stop?
A: Put notes on it!
Q: What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawnmower?
A: You can tune a lawnmower.
Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
A: People cry when you chop an onion into pieces.
Q: What is the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before jumping on the trampoline.
Q: There's a five pound note on the floor. Which of a thrash guitarist, a drummer who keeps good time and a drummer who keeps bad time picks it up?
A: The drummer who keeps bad time: the other drummer doesn't exist and the thrash guitarist doesn't care about notes anyway.
Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards?
A: You get your job and your wife back.
Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, he sings.
If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.
A guy walks into a shop.
"You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gibson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?"
"You're a drummer, aren't you?"
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
"This is a travel agency."
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