The Top 27 Things You Wish You Could Say At Work
If you're politically correct buzz off you won't like this site!
- I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a fuck.
- How about "never"? Is "never" good for you?
- It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- Ahhh, I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
- Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
- I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.v
- It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- No, my powers can only be used for good.
- I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
- You sound reasonable......time to up my medication.
- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
- I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
- I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
- Who me? I just wander from room to room.
- My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
And now Useful Expressions for those High Stressdays
- Well, aren't we just a ray of fucking sunshine?
- Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
- Do I look like a fucking people person?
- This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- You! Off my planet!!
- Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
- I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes.
- Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
- And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
- How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
- Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego ?
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
- When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
- Earth is full, Go home.
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Original Content Copyright(c) 1998-2003 Doug Alder